After seeing the international community go crazy over the horror in Qana—blaming Israel exclusively for it, of course—it seems clear to me that the IDF’s only hope for winning the battle for global public opinion is to start strapping Israeli infants to the front of their tanks.

And then, when the inevitable happens, Israelis need to riot in the streets.

(Against their enemies’ barbarity of course…what, you thought they’d blame the IDF for intentionally putting innocents in the line of fire? Of course not. The 82% of Lebanese who now support Hezbollah have shown us that that’s just not how people think in the Middle East.)

Israelis also need to keep in mind that they always need to do just that little bit extra to prove that they’re every bit as civilized as their enemies. So coming up with some snappy slogans for the riots—something along the lines of “Death to the Arabs! And death to Iran!” would be usual and customary, I believe—and then knocking over a U.N. outpost or ransacking a random foreign embassy while they were at it…well, that’d surely impress the BBC and get Kofi Annan on their side.