As Americans, proud citizens of a country that made a critical and purposeful break with aristocratic traditions, a country that proudly addresses its head of state simply as “Mr.”, we should chafe at the use of any title by any of our fellow citizens. “No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States,” our Constitution states (Art. 1 § 9); and your humble Goliard has never heard any serious argument that, two centuries on, we should start making exceptions.

Then how did we get ourselves into the habit of conferring lifetime titles on our politicians?

Of all people to turn into an American nobility, surely Senators as a class are among the worst we could choose. And yet we bow and tug our forelocks and call an utterly undistinguished retired one-termer (*cough*JohnEdwards*cough*) “Senator” for the rest of his days. As if it were a title of nobility…or an honor so great, and so dearly and valiantly earned, that its omission in any setting or context would be a sin against civic piety.

At least with most Senators, the practice doesn’t strike the ear quite as oddly as it might, since they spend practically their entire adult lives in the Senate anyhow. Who can remember a time when Robert Byrd wasn’t a Senator? or if Strom Thurmond ever actually retired?

It grows pointedly absurd, however, as one moves further down the political food chain. Even if the city was New York, should two terms as Mayor make Rudy Giuliani “Mayor Giuliani” for life? If he never becomes President, will Mitt Romney’s tombstone read “Governor Willard Mitt Romney”? And then there are the fringe candidates: the title “Ambassador” makes Alan Keyes even more ridiculous as a Presidential candidate, if that’s possible.

I say enough of this. I hope that the readers of Blog Goliard will join me in calling upon all those who write and publish and broadcast political news and comment to amend their style sheets in a democratic, American (even Constitutional) direction, and henceforth refer to the non-office-holding candidates for President as simply “Mr. Romney”, “Mr. Giuliani”, “Mr. Huckabee”, and “Mr. Edwards”. (”Mr. Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts” shall of course remain proper and fitting on second reference.)

Once we’ve got that straightened out, we can work on the others—current Congress-critters all, and thus even more urgently in need of deflation, some way, somehow. Eternal vigilance and all that, you know.