Don’t you need somebody to hate?

When there’s a big sporting event going on, I mean.

I know I sure do. Rooting for your favorite team is great, sure; but nothing quite gets the blood pumping and the passions stirring like rooting against players and teams you absolutely despise.

So it’s a bit of a concern that the two teams I have hated the most in past World Cup finals appear changed this time around, and mostly for the better.

Could it really have happened that Croatia got through the first half-hour of their opening match with only a single foul? That their solid back line not only managed to frustrate Brazil throughout the match, but fairly for the most part as well? That their strikers gave us so little in the way of theatrical tumbles to the turf? Davor Šuker would be turning in his grave, if he were dead.

The last two go-arounds, the Croatian side were the fiercest-fouling, hardest-diving, loudest-complaining, brazenest-cheating sons of you-know-whats this side of the Pecos. I loved them, because I relished loathing them. Now they’re just a reasonably-solid European side that’s performing better than expected but has little chance of going deep into the tournament. How much fun can I be expected to squeeze out of that?

But at least there’s the Argies, right? Those South American spurii, worshippers of the most famous World Cup cheater and customer of the Colombian cartels in the world; those irritating mama’s boys, whose long, stringy, greasy hair would fly into the air as they fell to the ground and cried out in pain after being lightly brushed by an opponent—they’re still in fine, despisable form, right?

Well, only sorta. Hernán Crespo is still on the roster, true; and the blood pressure still spikes each and every time the television cameras find Maradona in the stands, as they are want to do. But the six goals they racked up against Serbia and Montenegro…those weren’t just totally legit, they were brilliant. A fine performance all around, with very little to criticize, on grounds of either substance or style.

And even the trademark Argentine footballer hair seems to be fading, in favor of mullets and awkward-looking short cuts. Some readers may find this an odd thing to focus on; but I find it a lot easier to hate a guy with pretty-boy long hair than one with a mullet. The latter, you just feel sorry for.

It’s even hard to knock the Albicelestes fans, who, from what I’ve seen, have been both a large and a positive presence so far this World Cup. Also, a fella can’t help but notice how nicely the sky-blue-and-white stripes suit some of those señoritas argentinas…

Yikes! I’m going impossibly soft here! Can I still find somebody to hate? Help!

Sunday update: Disregard that call for help for now. Croatia came through brilliantly today, and look to be finding their old form after all. Dado Prso backing into a Japanese defender to draw a penalty kick (a punishment I was sure, after the first week of matches, that FIFA must have secretly abolished) was only the highlight of a solid performance full of diving and complaining and other annoyances.

I’ll find myself at sea once again, however, if on Thursday the Croats can’t get past Australia—rough customers themselves, truth be told; but how could one ever manage to hate the Aussies?

Why is the title of this post in Spanish? Because I have not only been overdosing on World Cup soccer since last Friday, but have spent most of that time watching it on Univision.

No, I don’t speak Spanish. Why do you ask?

Okay, okay; I’ll explain. Last time around, in 2002, I didn’t have cable or satellite, just rabbit ears…and most of the games being broadcast in English were on ESPN. But luckily, I could pick up an over-the-air Univision affiliate where I lived at the time, and they broadcast every single game for the benefit of my soccer-besotted self.

So for a time, the Spanish coverage was my only choice. But after a while it became my preferred choice, and still is.

Now to be fair, things have gotten better over the years on the English channels. More games broadcast; no more clumsy attempts by American directors to edit their own video feed; slightly less annoying commentary. But I still prefer Univision, even though I only understand a small sliver of the commentary (but that sliver continues to get bigger all the time…yes! my World Cup obsession is educational!). Here are a few reasons why.

1) Studio host Fernando Fiore. I love Fernando Fiore. I want to be Fernando Fiore. And that’s all I have to say about that.

2) Pre-game ceremonies. Univision always shows the players in the tunnel waiting, then their entrance into the stadium, then the national anthems of each country…all without interruption. Big games deserve a fitting—though not excessive—buildup, and Univision’s team usually comes through quite nicely in this regard.

3) Color commentators. Sure, José Luis Chilavert may not be the most seasoned pro in the booth, but I loved him so when he was the keeper for the Paraguayan national team, and he’s still got lots of personality, so I’m always happy to see him doing a broadcast. But I’m even happier when I see “El Profe”, Jesús Bracamontes. Even with the language barrier, I tend to learn more from him than most of the annnouncers on ABC/ESPN. (Some viewers who are fluent in Spanish seem to deride him as Captain Obvious…but since it has to be pretty basic and obvious for me to understand anything on that channel, that might be precisely why I get so much out of El Profe.) And he’s got quite a daughter, too…sure can’t let her go without a mention.

4) Excitement. Most everyone knows about this one: When somebody scores a goal on a Spanish-language broadcast, by golly, you know they’ve scored a goal. It’s Latin passion rolled into some well-polished, iconic sportscasting shtick—how can you go wrong with that?

5) Concentration. While I do understand what the commentators are saying every now and then, most of the time it remains a blur…and that actually helps me focus better on the game. When I’ve watched a match on ABC or ESPN, I find I’ve got more factoids to throw around afterwards; but I’ve got more to say about the match itself, particularly the team performances and tactics, if I’ve watched it on Univision.

I probably could go on, but this post is quite long enough; and in a few minutes it will be time to leave the office, go shoot some hoops on the way home, then settle in my favorite chair in front of the TiVo for some Alemania v. Polonia. Here’s hoping for muchos golazos!